How to act around Giant-Alien-Robots
by Evening Emerald
Summary: My rules to living with the Autobot's and what not to do. Why does Ratchet not allow cookies and chocolate! So cruel... :'(
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers, Hasbro does!**

**Warning: Suggestions of 'that time of the month' and 'PMS-ing.'**

**So I got this idea a little while back and I started to see others like this. I finally thought, 'hey! Maybe I should write something!' So here it is.**

**#1. NEVER bring cookies you baked at home or school to base.**

**(I made some cookies in the school kitchen today and after me and my group ate some there was still a lot. So I decided to bring the rest to the base to share with Mikaela, Sam, Miles, Lennox and Epps.)**

**(They were in the rec room and I saw them talking, and I shouted 'Hey guys! I got free cookies!')**

**(They came up and started eating the cookies without asking, I had no problem with this, but apparently Ratchet did. I swear he is faster than a speeding bullet and has perfect aiming.)**

**(Like, all of a sudden, a wrench was flying through the air and hit my plate of cookies.)**

**(Since I'm only 13, I guess no one expected this and I don't know why but Optimus walked in and I didn't know and I shouted 'What the fuck Ratchet!')**

**(All of the Autobots were completely shocked and since I am so quiet and hate swearing they had the 'what the fuck' expression themselves.)**

**(Optimus was gaping and looked like he was going to faint.)**

**#2. Always listen to your senses when you talk to the twins.**

**(Since I am apparently gullible the twins decided to do a little trick on me.)**

**(They kept on telling me about this 'cool new game' they heard the humans talking about.)**

**(I knew that they were up to something because of their reputation around the base, but I wasn't to sure.)**

**(When I finally asked if they were trying to persuade me they gave an awkward yes.)**

**(And I said, 'fine, lets get this over with.')**

**(The game was like a treasure hunt, and I was supposed to find these clues by looking at certain things. It was to complicated to explain fully.)**

**(I was told the rooms to go to and when I found the last room I got a little surprise.)**

**(Once I walked into the room I felt a wet trickle on my head and I looked up and the forecasts apparently didn't say anything about raining chicken noodle soup.)**

**(I was so alarmed and freaked out that I went into a storm of swears and cusses.)**

**(I turned around and the twins were laughing so hard.)**

**(When I walked past them so I could go to the showers I just gave them a glare and said, 'the next time I get sick you'll be the first to be hurled on.')**

**(Sunstreaker avoided me for the next 2 weeks.)**

**#3. Again with treats.**

**(This time it was a four bar pack of kit-kat's.)**

**(Since my stomach gets a little uneasy when I eat more than two bars of chocolate I decided it would be fair to share the rest.)**

**(So I gave one bar to Sam and one to Miles.)**

**(Ratchet was looking for the twins and had just walked into the room.)**

**(Once Ratchet laid his optics on that chocolate you could tell he was ticked off.)**

**(But ever since last weeks chocolate ban... Sam and Miles were eager to finish off the kit-kat bars.)**

**(They had quickly scarfed it down once they noticed the presence of the medic.)**

**(Sam and Miles were put on a strict diet for the next month.)**

**#4. NEVER watch Doctor Who when Prowl is around.**

**(Prowl had gotten some time off so he walked into the rec room to see whats up.)**

**(I had been caught watching the most awesome tv-show ever!)**

**(It was episode 1 of season 5 of Doctor Who.)**

**(Prowl was intrigued and stayed to watch.)**

**(He had glitched once there was a sign of special effects.)**

**(It was just the scene when the gold stuff was flowing off of the Doctor because of his regeneration.)**

**(I was banned from watching Doctor Who in the rec room for months.)**

**(It was sad.)**

**(But thats why the internet is here!)**

**(I watched Doctor Who on Netflix for the next couple of weeks.)**

**#5. Do not swear around the bots if your under 15!**

**(I'm surprised there not used to it by now.)**

**(I know I am looked upon as a 'goody-two-shoes.')**

**(But come on, this time was just unfair.)**

**(We were watching Thor on friday movie night.)**

**(And when it showed the scene when Loki was yelling at Odin about how he never told him about being a frost giant. I whispered, 'shit...' With an obvious tear coming out of my eye.)**

**(Too much of a softy...)**

**(Anyway, Prowl decided to pick this time to glitch.)**

**(WHY!)**

**(Then there was this one time when I was doing my math homework, which by the way, I HATE MATH.)**

**(I was sitting on the couch and I yelled, 'SHIT! JUST BURN THIS CRAP!' When I was completely stumped.)**

**(Jazz finally got used to my surprise swearing and chuckled.)**

**(Everyone, still shocked.)**

**#6. Don't listen to Jar of Hearts.**

**(Jazz asked me what song I was listening to and Ratchet was standing nearby.)**

**(I wasn't sure how to answer because of how 'logical' cybertronians are, and Ratchet would've been wondering what they meant by 'jar' of 'hearts.')**

**(Since I like to be so honest I just answered truthfully.)**

**(Ratchet glitched.)**

**(Jazz just sighed a laugh and face palmed.)**

**#7. Be careful about what YouTube videos you show the Autobots.**

**(I hooked up an Apple-TV to the Autobot sized TV.)**

**(It was awesome.)**

**(So we decided to watch YouTube on the Apple-TV for the next half hour.)**

**(Some Autobots had walked in.)**

**(With the Annoying Orange on.)**

**(It was the one called 'Luck o' the Irish.')**

**(A lot of them were staring at fruit the next day.)**

**(The twins were trying to find a rainbow so they can have a pot of gold.)**

**(Me and Lennox were trying to convince them that Leprechauns weren't real for the next couple of days.)**

**(They were shunning me for my lack of belief.)**

**#8. Stay away from Ratchet if you get 'that time of the month.'**

**(One time it was 'that time of month' for me and I had just happened to pass by Ratchet's med bay.)**

**(I didn't know if he could smell my blood or something but he was on me in a second.)**

**(He kept on asking if it hurt or if I needed anything to help my sore back.)**

**(Basically I said 'no' every question or suggestion.)**

**(Then he asked if I was even having it.)**

**(And I replied, 'yes, but I don't need your help.')**

**(It was embarrassing.)**

**(He huffed and walked back to his medbay.)**

**(Every time I passed by he would ask!)**

**(Frag you Ratchet.)**

**(I need to ask the twins if they can help me with my revenge.)**

**(Now just to explain why...)**

**(Le Sigh.)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers, Hasbro does!**

**Warning: Some suggestions of 'that-time-of-month' and PMS'ing**

**#9. Be careful about what movies you pick for movie night or any other occasion.**

**(This time it was Narnia.)**

**(The Autobots kept on freaking out about the talking animals and the ugly monsters on the witch's side.)**

**(Yeah, they were ugly but they have to cut the animals some slack.)**

**(Ironhide said he always knew that wolves were evil.)**

**(His reason to back it up: Mojo.)**

**(Mojo is just a chihuahua.)**

**(Then one time we watched Clash of the Titans.)**

**(For most of the movie they were fine, but at parts like when Perseus's mortal family died expect crying from the Autobots.)**

**(Medusa still confuses Prowl and Ratchet.)**

**(I never found the guarder snake I caught ever again...)**

**(Wheeljack you've done it again.)**

**(If I get turned to stone from a snake-human mutant I blame you.)**

**#10. Never watch Horrible Histories on the Autobot sized TV.**

**(You might not have heard of it, but Horrible Histories is this BBC show aimed at kids. You can find it on the BBC kids channel.)**

**(It makes horrible things from old cultures/events look funny with reenactments and also small music videos.)**

**(Anyway, I was watching it on YouTube on the Apple-TV because I couldn't find BBC kids.)**

**(It was only snips and music videos from the show.)**

**(So I was watching Black Beards song done by the Horrible Histories actors.)**

**(Ratchet started freaking out when the fake captain black beard said how he cut off a mans arm off for a pretty ring.)**

**(Ironhide liked how captain black beard shot his crew members if they didn't show enough devotion.)**

**(Optimus was just freaked out that a guy could be that nasty.)**

**#11. Try not to get to caught up in fandoms your in...**

**(Since I love Doctor Who so much I had to do this.)**

**(I dressed up as the Doctor and shouted "Allons-y!" as I walked into the rec room.)**

**(Mikaela must've got what I was doing and started to laugh and I grinned.)**

**(Sam and Miles soon joined us.)**

**(Sunstreaker and Swideswipe were seriously confused.)**

**(They don't know good shows when they see one.)**

**#12. Try to have expectations when introducing a friend to the Autobots and soldiers.**

**(So my friend, Adonis, from the Philippine's recently got caught up in NEST and the Autobots.)**

**(Epp's was nearby and walked up to him.)**

**(Adonis raised an eyebrow and shook Epp's hand.)**

**(Adonis was joking around and narrowed his eyes at Epp's.)**

**(I think Epp's caught on.)**

**(Then out of the blue Adonis exclaims, "Stop being rice-ist!")**

**(While jabbing a finger in the air.)**

**(Epp's chuckled and rolled his eyes.)**

**(I laughed and shook my head.)**

**(Jazz was standing by and raised an optic ridge and the twins were chuckling.)**

**(Optimus was confused.)**

**(Ironhide was confused too.)**

**(Ratchet was probably searching up the phrase on the internet.)**

**(Oh Adonis, you are so ironic...)**

**(And he always talks about rice, in a joking situation of course.)**

**Authors note: Okay, so I was bored today. Got a problem? Oh, and btw I do know some people from the Philippine's if your wondering.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers, Hasbro does!**

**Warning: Some suggestions of 'that-time-of-the-month' and PMS'ing.**

**#13. Be careful around the Halloween season.**

**(Okay, so it was Halloween.)**

**(Since no one told the Autobots that it was Halloween I did.)**

**(They didn't know what Halloween was really about so I explained it.)**

**("Halloween is a human holiday where you dress up and scare people for fun.")**

**(Since the Autobots have such a poor logical humour I then said,)**

**("If you want to know where it originated from I'll tell you then.")**

**(They were pleased by this so I told them the tale of where Halloween originated from.)**

**("Okay, so a long long time ago there was a man. He was in a forest and the devil was near by and the man knew.")**

**(The Autobots were intrigued and confused.)**

**("And the man hid behind a tree, the devil was trying to find him and the man was going to scare him away or something like that. The devil ended up finding the man and cursed him.")**

**(The Autobots were now afraid.)**

**("Well, thats what I was told. The mans name was Jack and he couldn't go to hell or heaven so he wandered the earth with a lantern, thats why halloween pumpkin's are called 'Jack-o-lanterns.'")**

**("So basically, Halloween originated from scaring spirits and ghosts away." I explained.)**

**(The Autobots were fine with this and I told them to not be surprised to see some humans dressed up in scary or weird costumes.)**

**(I told them I was going to dress up as a Viking.)**

**(I went to my room and put some make-up on my face. Black and pink swirl on my bottom eyelids. Then I put a pink upside down triangle on my forehead, a narrow line went down to my nose from it. Then a circle that looked like the moon on my cheek.)**

**(So I put on a dress that was green and looked royal slightly.)**

**(I grabbed a fake plastic axe and walked out of my room.)**

**(Prowl had passed by and stared at me for the next couple of hours.)**

**(Everyone stared at me for the next couple of hours.)**

**(Well, the humans didn't.)**

**(Sam was dressed up as King Lionheart. Mikaela was dressed up as a maid.)**

**(Miles was dressed up as a pirate. Adonis dressed up as an undercover agent.)**

**(It was perfect.)**

**(Now I just need to convince Bumblebee to literally dress up as a bumblebee.)**

**#14. Don't use up all the warm water in the showers.**

**(It was a long boring day at school and I decided to take a shower once I got to the base.)**

**(It was apparently 'shower day' for the other humans so I wasn't surprised when we were all rushing to get a shower stall.)**

**(Luckily I was able to get first pick because I was able to get through the small crowd.)**

**(I ran into the stall and tossed my clothes in my bag.)**

**(I was in there for at least an hour.)**

**(Apparently I was wrong.)**

**(When I dried off and put my clean pair of clothes on I could hear surprised shrieks from the stalls.)**

**(I felt so embarrassed after.)**

**(Ratchet asked me what was going on.)**

**(So I said, "I used up all the warm water.")**

**(I hate it when this happens.)**

**#15. Don't share fictional stories your writing.**

**(I get ideas for stories like all the time.)**

**(And I had recently finished a story.)**

**(I was so proud!)**

**(So I shared it with the Autobots.)**

**("That's illogical!")**

**("That is not physically possible!")**

**("I don't see how that could happen.")**

**("Why are you lying to me?!")**

**(I felt very discouraged after.)**

**#16. Don't put contacts on.**

**(Because if you do Sam and the Autobots will be convinced that your a pretender.)**

**(The contacts were green, and my eyes are blue.)**

**(Ironhide was shooting at me for the next couple of minutes.)**

**(Until I got to my room, then he kept on shouting for me to get to safety when there wasn't a second me.)**

**I had a boring week okay, so this is what you get!**


End file.
